that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
