I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
