He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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