He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
