i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
