hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
