Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize