You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you. Go after that dick
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
