His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
