My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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