i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
