dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
