Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The Olympian is in my bed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
