got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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