before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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