Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
