I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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