the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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