Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
