Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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