i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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