I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
