Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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