everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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