Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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