I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
