apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
