I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
