I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ttyl tear gas
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
