Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
