i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
