Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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