Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
