Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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