Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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