He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
