Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
