Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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