i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
