how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
did i walk over a car last night?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
