have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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