So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
