Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
