I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
