Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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