Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
