Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize