I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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