YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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