apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize