so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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