Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
