I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
