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it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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