you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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