I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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