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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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