I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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