Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
