Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
