my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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