A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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