Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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