It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
