So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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