Just cropdusted the office
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
