Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize