Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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