wrigley field is MILF paradise
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
